Best tips on disciplining your child

Should we discipline?

All children misbehave sometimes. As a parent, you have to decide how you will respond. Your child needs rules to understand how to behave.

Discipline involves both punishment and rewards. When you discipline your children, you are teaching them what is good behavior and what is not good behavior. Discipline is important to:

• Protect children from harm
• Teach self-discipline
• Develop good social skills

Parent

Every parent has their own parenting style. You may be strict or you may be laid back. The key is to:

• Set clear expectations
• Be consistent
• Be loving

TIPS FOR EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE

Try these parenting pointers:

Reward good behavior. As much as you can, try to focus on the positive. Let your children know that you are pleased when they are behaving the way you wish. By showing your approval, you encourage good behavior and help build self-esteem.

Let natural consequences teach your child. While it is not easy, you should not always prevent bad things from happening. If your child is frustrated with a toy and breaks it, let him learn that he no longer has that toy to play with.

Consider your child’s age when setting limits or punishing. DO NOT expect more from your child than your child can do. For example, a toddler cannot control the impulse to touch things. Instead of trying to tell her not to touch, put fragile objects out of reach.

Be clear. Let your child know ahead of time what you will be doing for discipline. DO NOT make it up in the heat of the moment. Tell your child what behavior needs to change and what you will do if it does not.

Tell your child exactly what you expect from him. Rather than saying, “Your room is messy,” tell the child what needs to be picked up or cleaned. For example, tell your child to put the toys away and make the bed. Explain what the punishment will be if he does not take care of his room.

DO NOT argue. Once you have set expectations, do not get dragged into an argument about what’s fair. DO NOT keep defending yourself once you have stated what you want. Remind your child about the rules you have set and leave it at that.

Be consistent. DO NOT change rules or punishments at random. If more than one adult is disciplining the child, work together. It is confusing to your child when one caregiver accepts certain behaviors but the other caregiver punishes for the same behavior. Your child may learn to play one adult against the other.

Show respect. Treat your child with respect. By respecting your child, you build trust. Behave the way you want your child to behave.

Follow through on your discipline. If you tell your child that she will lose her TV time today if she hits, be prepared to turn off the TV for the day.

DO NOT make huge threats of punishment that you will never do. When you threaten a punishment but do not follow through, your child learns that you do not mean what you say.

Instead, pick punishments that you can and are willing to do. For example, if your kids are fighting, say: “The fighting must stop now, if you do not stop, we will not go to the movies.” If your kids do not stop fighting, DO NOT go to the movies. Your kids will learn that you mean what you say.

Be calm, friendly, and firm. A child may become angry, tearful, or sad, or may start a tantrum. The calmer your behavior is, the more likely your children will pattern their behavior after yours. If you spank or hit, you are showing them that it is acceptable to solve problems with violence.

Look for patterns. Does your child always get upset and act out over the same thing or in the same situation? If you understand what triggers your child’s behavior, you may be able to prevent or avoid it.

Know when to apologize. Remember that being a parent is a hard job. Sometimes you will get out of control and not behave well. When this happens, apologize to your child. Let him know that you will respond differently the next time.

Help your child with tantrums. Allow your children to express their feelings, but at the same time, help them cope with anger and frustration without violent or aggressive behavior. Here are some tips on dealing with temper tantrums:

• When you see your child starting to get worked-up, distract her attention with a new activity.
• If distraction does not work, ignore your child. Every time you react to a tantrum, you reward the negative behavior with extra attention. Scolding, punishing, or even trying to reason with the child may cause your child to act up more.
• If you are in public, remove the child without discussion or fuss. Wait until the child calms down before resuming your activities.
• If the tantrum involves hitting, biting, or other harmful behavior, DO NOT ignore it. Tell the child that the behavior will not be tolerated. Move the child away for a few minutes.
• Remember, children cannot understand lots of explanations. DO NOT attempt to reason. Give the punishment right away. If you wait, the child will not connect the punishment with the behavior.
• DO NOT give into your rules during a tantrum. If you give in, your child has learned that tantrums work.

What you need to know about spanking. Experts have found that spanking:

• Can make children more aggressive.
• Can get out of control and the child can get hurt.
• Teaches children that it is OK to hurt someone they love.
• Teaches children to be afraid of their parent.
• Teaches children to avoid being caught, rather than learning better behavior.
• May reinforce bad behavior in children acting out just to get attention. Even negative attention is better than no attention.

It is the desire of every parent to have a disciplined child. See how to know when your child is stressed..Read more

How good do you know your child? – Ciscasquapro

Have you ever been tricked by your own child? How did you feel after you realized what had happened? How did you react?

The busy schedule of parents Sometimes makes it impossible to have ample time with their children. Understanding them becomes a bit difficult because they will play angels when the parents are around and something different when parents are away. At the back of parents’ minds, what they have is a good boy or a girl who adheres to the instructions given not until the reality dawns on to them.

This reminds me on an incident that happened at school when my daughter was in grade three. I had gone to pick her report form and what the teacher told me left me surprised.

My girl had always been a quiet child with less to talk about. She used most of her time watching cartoons. She wasn’t a child one would keep scolding. She was very careful on making sure she didn’t do anything that would make me unhappy.

The teacher had this to say:

Your daughter has done very well, but I have one thing to accuse her of. She is the best noise maker in class. First she makes sure she has finished her work, then goes on disturbing others. Every teacher is complaining

I looked at her suspeciously. Her innocent looking made me to question the teacher’s remarks. I wanted to hear it from the horse’s mouth. True to the accusations, she testified that after playing a bad girl at school, she becomes too tied and that makes her to be cool when at home.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. From that day I promised myself never again judge the book by it’s cover.

Have you ever been in a such scenario where you think your child is what he or she is not?

A certain lady was told by her neighbours that her teenage girl had been seen with suspecious company when the parents were away. She was very mad on it and told her neighbours to leave her girl alone and they were just jealous of her.

After two weeks, the lady received an anonymous call informing her that her girl had been arrested for gun trafficking and she should go to the police station.

Afterwards, the girl took the police to their house where she was hiding the guns. Seeing this, the mother fainted and was rushed to the hospital.

What should we do as parents when we hear these allegations?

My opinion…..listen carefully to what is being said. Before you act, come up with your own ways to investigate what you have been told. If the child is smarter, involve your close friends and her peers secretly just to get to know the reality. This will give you a chance to study every move your child is undertaking. Be calm to both the child and whoever gave you the news.

With this, you will be able to get to the root of the matter and henceforth deal with it as required.

Though people can be malicious sometimes, never ignore before you get to know what is happening. Let not your love to the child blindfold you not to see the reality.

More on children discipline and on teenage relationship is discussed here.

I would love to hear how you solved the problem or how you can do it incase such scenario crosses your path… comment.

How to know when your child is stressed

Children also get stressed

The challenges that have come with the corona virus are not only being experienced by adult but children are not spared too. Children have been suffering silently without parents’ knowledge.

Childhood stress can be present in any setting that requires the child to adapt or change. Stress may be caused by positive changes, such as starting a new activity, but it is most commonly linked with negative changes such as illness or death in the family.

You can help your child by learning to recognize the signs of stress and teaching your child healthy ways to deal with it.

Stress may be a response to a negative change in a child’s life. In small amounts, stress can be good. But, excessive stress can affect the way a child thinks, acts, and feels.

Children learn how to respond to stress as they grow and develop. Many stressful events that an adult can manage will cause stress in a child. As a result, even small changes can impact a child’s feelings of safety and security.

Pain, injury, illness, and other changes are stressors for children. Stressors may include:

• Worrying about schoolwork or grades
• Juggling responsibilities, such as school and work or sports
• Problems with friends, bullying, or peer group pressures
• Changing schools, moving, or dealing with housing problems or homelessness
• Having negative thoughts about themselves
• Going through body changes, in both boys and girls
• Seeing parents go through a divorce or separation
• Money problems in the family
• Living in an unsafe home or neighborhood

SIGNS OF UNRESOLVED STRESS IN CHILDREN

Children may not recognize that they are stressed. New or worsening symptoms may lead parents to suspect an increased stress level is present.

Physical symptoms can include:

• Decreased appetite, other changes in eating habits
• Headache
• New or recurrent bedwetting
• Nightmares
• Sleep disturbances
• Upset stomach or vague stomach pain
• Other physical symptoms with no physical illness

Emotional or behavioral symptoms may include:

• Anxiety, worry
• Not able to relax
• New or recurring fears (fear of the dark, fear of being alone, fear of strangers)
• Clinging, unwilling to let you out of sight
• Anger, crying, whining
• Not able to control emotions
• Aggressive or stubborn behavior
• Going back to behaviors present at a younger age
• Doesn’t want to participate in family or school activities

HOW PARENTS CAN HELP

Parents can help children respond to stress in healthy ways. Following are some tips:

• Provide a safe, secure, and dependable home.
• Family routines can be comforting. Having a family dinner or movie night can help relieve or prevent stress.
• Be a role model. The child looks to you as a model for healthy behavior. Do your best to keep your own stress under control and manage it in healthy ways.
• Be careful about which television programs, books, and games that young children watch, read, and play. News broadcasts and violent shows or games can produce fears and anxiety.
• Keep your child informed of anticipated changes such as in jobs or moving.
• Spend calm, relaxed time with your children.
• Learn to listen. Listen to your child without being critical or trying to solve the problem right away. Instead work with your child to help them understand and solve what is upsetting to them.
• Build your child’s feelings of self-worth. Use encouragement and affection. Use rewards,to involve your child in activities where they can succeed.
• Allow the child opportunities to make choices and have some control in their life. The more your child feels they have control over a situation, the better their response to stress will be.
• Encourage physical activity.
• Recognize signs of unresolved stress in your child.
• Seek help or advice from a health care provider, counselor, or therapist when signs of stress do not decrease or disappear.

WHEN TO CALL THE DOCTOR

Talk to your child’s provider if your child:

• Is becoming withdrawn, more unhappy, or depressed
• Is having problems in school or interacting with friends or family
• Is unable to control their behavior or anger

We can all help our children on how to cope with stress….also visit other posts here